The Yoke

Can you find freedom in commitment?

In a culture where freedom is valued so highly there is resistance to the idea of being tied down.  I know I have felt this resistance in my own life.  Having every minute of my day scheduled with obligations is stressful to me.  Committing to serve in one place for more than a season brings a weight of responsibility.  I want to be free to travel, to leave in five minutes if someone calls at the last minute to invite me somewhere, to believe what I think is right…I don't want to be joined to a place or a person who I will have to consider and consult in every move I make.  I don't want someone else dictating my choices.

And yet as many of you who have spent time with me know, I fight to set appointments.  To change that vague "we should catch up soon" to a time, date, and place.  Because I have lived a life where the time gets filled up with busy-ness and the important things that patiently wait get put to the side. Commitment seems to be necessary to reach the fullness and wholeness I desire in my life.

And so the paradox of God's kingdom comes into play: the way to freedom is through submission.

At the base right now we are going through a season of staff development.  What does that mean?

Freedom through submission with the yoke.

It means that our core staff group is spending time digging into our own personal growth and also growth together as a body.  We have had a number of different guest speakers come and share with us over the past month and it was one of these speakers who got me thinking about the topic of freedom through submission, the concept of "the yoke."

Many Christians are familiar with the passage in Matthew 11:28-30 which talks about the yoke:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

In times of struggle and stress certain words have stood out to me to bring a sense of comfort: rest, gentle, easy, light burdens…yet I have let the concept of the yoke itself remain unexplored and vague.  Though this may have brought some comfort in the short term, I think it has been to my detriment in the long term. I want the freedom to take this help to carry burdens when times are tough, but then I often leave the restraints of the yoke when my way seems to be working. More and more I am realizing that submitting to the direction of the yoke might be a good idea all the time.  It would probably keep the burdens from becoming so overwhelming not to mention the encouragement that would come from knowing someone is beside you no matter what.

And so with a nudge from this speaker I have been pondering the idea of the yoke.  Does submissive obedience lead to freedom?

With direction (like a yoke) I can serve in so many ways
that I don't have the knowledge or experience to do
on my own.

The yoke Jesus refers to in this passage would have been heavy and made of wood.  It would have joined two oxen together so that a farmer could direct the oxen's strength to perform tasks.  We are not so useful for service in the kingdom until we have surrendered to the yoke.

Although heavy on it's own, a carefully crafted yoke would not be burdensome to an ox who did not fight against it to go in a direction different from the other ox or the direction of the farmer.  I think I am in the stages of getting used to the yoke.  Most days I've graduated from the "stiff-necked" ox stage where the yoke cannot even be placed on my neck because I refuse to humble myself and ask for direction.  Often now my struggle is to trust the gentleness of the yoke.  To know that although that patch of grass to my left or right looks delicious, my eyes need to stay focused on the field ahead that needs to be worked.  That my attempts to direct life actually make things more complicated and painful than they would otherwise be.  I need to learn to communicate with the partner I am yoked to and to understand the directions of the one holding the reins.

Although my understanding of the passage in Matthew refers to being yoked to Jesus, there was another scripture that came to mind as I thought more about being yoked.  As being yoked is a form of commitment, my mind also turned to one of the biggest commitments that most people make in their lives: marriage.  There is an illustration in Paul's letter to the Ephesian church that I have been chewing on for about a year which I understood in a different light with the picture of the yoke.

In Epheisans 5:23 Paul writes:

"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."

Does the commitment of marriage or other
important relationships have the impact of the yoke?

What if you imagine instead of the husband being the "boss" of the wife, the picture of the husband being joined by a yoke to the wife.  They share the load of decisions, responsibilities, emotional baggage, and their service with the yoke.  It can be a gentle yoke and an easier burden if they learn to communicate and walk together, perhaps with the husband taking some responsibility of being under Christ's leadership.  Perhaps Christ is the one with the reins? I'm just thinking "out loud" here…or now that I think about it more, I imagine Christ actually under the yoke with the couple.  He is sharing that load, encouraging them to keep moving forward, reminding them to keep their eyes focussed on each other and their rhythm in sync with him and each other…

Although I may not be yoked to a husband at this point, I have made a commitment to be yoked to this YWAM base, to the DTS ministry, to this staff team.  Sometimes the yoke makes life simpler and sometimes it is a challenge against my independence.  However, the more I get comfortable with my yoke the more I am free to grow and serve.

After a tough day where my own thoughts took the reins, I am ready once again to bow my head and go back to the yoke.  Praying that "the more I practice, the better I get" to quote one of my mentors from my teaching practicum.

Closing the gap...

I opened a can of worms.  

I have been learning about who I really am and what I am capable of.  

This knowledge leaves me with a big responsibility.  I can see the gap between where I'm at and where I could be.  Where I want to be.  

I have the map, I may not know all the specific turns and twists in the road, but I have a pretty good idea how to get where I want to go…I have to take one step at a time and that takes discipline.  Sadly my mind is much better at whining and making excuses than being disciplined.  But I'm sick of excuses.  I want to move.  I want to change.

Now is the time to dig in and really let my actions, words and thoughts be decided by what I value instead of what is convenient.  

If I believe that exercise is important for the health of my body, mind, and spirit then I need to make time to exercise daily and to push myself to do things that are difficult.  If I believe that spiritual health is the cornerstone for a healthy foundation in life, then I need to build space in my day for spiritual disciplines such as prayer, bible study, and quietness.  If I truly don't want to feel the effects on my body of eating unhealthy food then I need to say no to treats more often.

Vision, goals, and discipline go hand in hand to all those small choices I make each day which dictate the direction my steps will take.  Will my steps begin to close the gap between who I am now and who I know I am capable of being?

I know it's not an easy process.  There's a reason why that gap is there…there are mountains of faith to climb, emotional wounds to be opened up and healed from the inside out, muscles that need to feel pain in order to grow… 

As I looked to the Bible for insight about discipline I found this verse in the book of Hebrews:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. ~Hebrews 12:11

Enough self-pep-talk.  It's time to close the gap.  It's time to start training.

A Season of Change

Change isn't change unless there is change

Sunny day on the Baltic Sea in Helsinki

It has been a week since I returned from Finland.  I am reminded of a saying found on T-shirts all over the place when I travelled in Southeast Asia…same same, but different.

Many things are the same as they were when I left, both within myself and also here at the base.  But then there are things that are very different.

The base is currently hosting the Organic Agri-Nutritional Training School--a six month secondary school which focuses on training trainers in organic agriculture, healthy lifestyle, and natural medicine.  The presence of this unique learning community is inspiring change at the base and it's very exciting.  In the past week I have enjoyed spending time with the students and staff, eating different kinds of foods, and sitting in on some of the lectures.  This week as we learned about alternative treatments to pharmaceutical drugs I was brought back in time to my invertebrate zoology course when I learned the cycle of malaria transmission.  The biologist within me is curious

Hiking with some of the OATS and base staff/students.

about the specific interactions between chemicals to prevent transmission or treat the disease.  Fascinating stuff!

During my last three weeks in Finland I spent a lot of time being counselled and counselling others.  I was also blessed with a week of holiday in Helsinki with some new friends I met in the course.  This time of rest and counsel allowed me to take another step in my process of growing and changing.  My eyes were opened to some wrong beliefs and strategies I had been using to cope with life.  For example, the way I speak to others when I feel insecure is not respectful and distances me from actually listening.  I have learned just how much I cling to others' affirmations through words and actions to find a sense of value.  The light has shined on my belief that if I make myself plastic perfect then I won't have to deal with pain anymore.  These

Studying during the counselling course.

revelations have brought a desire to repent (change my thinking) and walk in a different way.  This is the key.  As one of our speakers in Finland shared: change isn't change unless there is change.

In 1 Kings 8:46-51 King Solomon prayed a prayer over the temple he built which reminds me of my desire to see real change in my life as a result of these revelations.  He talks about the inevitability of sin, which I have come to understand as unhealthy choices in my lifestyle or relational patterns.  Solomon doesn't stop there though, he goes on to suggest that a change of heart and repentance are a possibility as well.  He pleads for the Lord to forgive his people who are the inheritance he brought out of Egypt.  God not only answers this prayer, but has a greater solution in the person of Jesus Christ.  It is so incredible to think that we have all been given the gift of inheritance (see 1 Kings 8:51) to be

Enjoying another sunny day in Helsinki.

coheirs with Christ (see Romans 8:17)

As I re-enter life in Canada I am trying to walk in a different way: mentally, spiritually, and physically.  Trusting in God's promises and forgiveness, making positive changes for my physical health, and becoming more aware of my relational strategies with others.  I will continue to serve as base staff here in Oliver as we prepare for the next Discipleship Training School which begins in September.  I will also be taking on a small part time position working with one of the local churches in the children's ministry program until the middle of September.

Dinner with new friends in Helsinki.

Praise Reports

• God's provision of food, lodging, and most importantly precious new friendships during my time in Finland especially during the last week
• Sunshine and warm temperatures, both here in Canada now that I have returned and also during my last week in Helsinki
• Safe travels
• Continued transformation of my mind, Romans 12:1-2

Prayer Requests

• Strength and perseverance to change
• Continued growth in unity as our YWAM community grows in size

  

  Exploring Talinn, Estonia.

• That God would be glorified through the fruit of His Spirit (patience, grace, compassion, love…) in this new job opportunity I have

Thanks again for your prayers and support.  Please check out my Facebook page for photos from my recent trip to Finland.

First Week in Finland

As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered.  You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.  The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. ~James 5:11

Perseverance is a series of small victories in the battle with our doubts, pain, and fears within our minds. It requires courage that is bolstered by something which in my experience comes from outside myself.  In some cases a necessary crutch to my own injuries comes from other people.  Just as it is when you break a leg or twist your ankle, it is important to lean on others to help me move forward in a way I am unable to do alone.  In other cases, my necessary crutch has been a glimpse of a greater story outside the visible pieces of my life.  This can come from scripture, times of prayer and worship, teaching on the nature and character of God, and the sense of wonder I often experience at the intricacy of the natural world around us. In either case, when I have been able to persevere, I have experienced blessing that goes beyond the visible.  I grow closer to the best version of Julie which brings a peace to my soul, even when it doesn't make life easier in that moment. For that reason I am eternally grateful for the care and encouragement of friends and family ("Jesus with skin on" as one of our DTS teachers described them) and the perfect, unending and unescapable compassion of the Lord.

The fireplace in the dining room at the base.

As my first week of the Compassion of the Heart training has come to end I can see the evidence of perseverence in my life.  This past year has been a time of opening up my mind to understand what has been going on underneath my behaviours and attitudes, and also to see more clearly what I actually do and say are not always the same as what I imagine.  This revelation through words from friends and by letting myself express emotion was often unpleasant and entirely humbling.  The temptation to bottle everything up under a controlled lie of numbing "perfection" was strong, but the fruits of blessings I had already begun to experience in relationship with others and God was a crutch I could lean on to press on.

When I arrived in Finland last Friday, I had a gnawing sense of dread and an underlying feeling of anxiety.  Although I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was where I needed to be, not only to benefit future ministry, but for my own emotional and spritual health, I was scared.  As I sat on the flight from London to Helsinki, I could no longer "forget" that I was entering a new culture with a language I couldn't understand...I tried to hold back the anxiety I felt as the flight attendants asked questions that and made announcements that linked sounds together in a way that held no meaning to me.  However, I could clearly feel the compassion of God from the moment my plane landed.  An American YWAMer who has been living in Finland for the past 3 years not only met me at the airport with a heart-shaped sign with my name on it, but welcomed me to her home, fed me, explained some Finnish culture to me, and even walked me to my seat on the train to the YWAM base on Sunday.  As I stepped out of the car at YWAM Ruurikkala, I felt that peace of "home" that I have felt so many times: God's perfect love had driven out all fear (1 John 4:18).

The view of the lake from the base which is an old mansion that had been renovated to be a hotel before YWAM purchased it.

The week itself has required me to dig deep in that pool of perseverence yet again as I have met with counsellors and written assignments to begin unpacking hurts I have been holding onto for years, as I have needed to complete book reports and sit through 4 hours of teaching while navigating my jet lag, as I have missed my family, friends and the familiarity of simple things like showering, eating, and doing laundry.  But as I stood in front of the class of 20 students (mostly Finnish), and at least 10 instructors/counsellors (from Canada, India, and Finland) able to share a revelation about why I do what I do with shaking hands, wobbly voice, and teary eyes I caught a glimpse of that girl that God knows I can be...not perfect like a marble statue, but "perfect" like a scraped-knee, wide grinned, rosy cheeked child running to share a hand picked bouquet of wildflowers.

Thank you for your prayers, support, and words that have been a needed crutch to bring me to this place.  It is a beautiful time of dependence, growth, and openness.  On Tuesday we begin the two week practicum which will take us out of the classroom and into small groups of 5 students and 2 leaders.  Please continue to pray for rest and restoration, trust of those I will be working and living with, and that God's hand would continue to lift up the rest of the YWAM Global Gateway staff in Canada as they press into daily life and ministry in Oliver and other parts of the world.

Please feel free to email or send personal messages, although the days are busy, it's always good to hear from you and to know how to lift you up in prayer.

Blessings!

The classroom where we have had most of our teaching.

The dining room where I am sitting to write this post.

First Flower of Spring...

Spring has arrived here in Oliver.  I know this because there is a miniature daffodil blooming in the garden.  The bed this little flower is growing in is the one I wrote about last spring in my The Joys of Weeding post.

For the past two weeks I have been meaning to spend some time in this little plot of ground to prepare it for another year.  The things I planted last year are long gone and I wasn't really sure what to expect this spring.  However, with life getting in the way I only made my way to the garden this past week--and what a pleasant surprise was waiting for me!  Not only had the flowers I had been hoping would re-seed themselves actually do that, but there was very little grass to weed out!  Considering how difficult it was to distinguish the flower bed from the lawn last year, this discovery was very encouraging!  As well, the bulbs which had been happily dormant over the fall and winter months, are coming up very nicely, including this little daffodil, the first to bloom.

The work of weeding has not only been happening in this garden over this past year, but in my heart as well.  Seeing the garden filled with future blooms and beauty gave me hope for the season to come in my life.  All the thought patterns, attitudes, words, and actions God has been pruning in my life will allow something beautiful to emerge.

For those of you who pray for me so faithfully I am so grateful for your love and support.  This verse reminds me of you and I've written it the way I imagine your support:

[you pray for me being] confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

I can feel the good work being carried out, and who I really am is flowing more freely.

I attended a workshop for Discipleship Training School staff and leaders a few weeks ago.  During that

time one of the things we did was to encourage each other in prayer.  One of the words people got to describe me was "delicate."  Ever since I stepped out on my own I have been growing stronger.   Some of it is the "glorious inner strength" I have been given through God's spirit as I opened the door of my heart and invited God to help me through situations (see Ephesians 3:16 in The Message translation), however, some of my strength has come from independence, lack of trust, and shutting out a reliance on others.  This year those walls have been breaking down and I can feel a fragile, gentler side of me shining through.

Like the first spring daffodil, I am braving the cold…praying I can be used to be a blessing to others.

Restoration of the Heart

During the outreach time our team learned a drama.  It's about a girl who is given a brand new heart by God.  Then she meets a guy who plays the guitar and it sounds amazing.  So she gives him her heart to learn how to play it…but she doesn't do it the way he wants.  He gives back her heart with a few tears and crumples.  Then she meets a woman who convinces her to give up her heart to become beautiful…but the makeup, and the hair, and the clothes never seem to be enough to make her look the way others think she should.  The woman gives the heart back, after she rips it and steps on it.  At last she meets a strong handsome man who sweeps her off her feet, and she gives away her heart yet again.  He shows her the world and leaves her with a flower.  All he asks for is a kiss, but she's not ready.  When she says no, he rips her heart up into tiny pieces and scatters them.  Jesus returns and carefully takes these pieces and exchanges them again for a new heart.

As we practiced this drama I realized I was that girl, the one who gives her heart away.

I was deceived.  Just as Eve in Genesis 3, I was convinced that although God had good plans for me, he was holding out.  I believed there were some things I could not get from obedience and relationship with him.

Just as the girl did with the guitar, I traded God's love for value based on things I did.

I looked for acceptance from others in the way I looked.

I tried to find unconditional love from a relationship with a guy.

And my heart was broken.

Just as it was in that drama, a relationship with a man tore my heart apart.

I'd love to be able to tell you this happened a long time ago, but sadly this lie I was living with followed me.

It followed me as I began a deeper personal relationship with God and committed my life to following him.
It followed me into my career in teaching.
It followed me after I was baptized.
It even followed me as I left behind work and friends and family to follow God's plan and leadership in my life.

It was only two years ago that I gave my heart to a man.  At the time I knew God. I was serious about pursuing him and his purpose for my life.  I knew God loved me, but I had not experienced it.  I knew it in my head, but I didn't believe it in my heart.

And so I felt there was a piece of my life that only a man could fill.

It started out so good.  Someone had finally noticed me.  I felt valued and appreciated.  Precious to someone.

But as time went on our imperfections got in the way of loving each other as is often the case in romantic relationships.

The relationship fell apart and I was crushed. I wanted to make excuses for the way things had changed because I had become so dependent on his love and affection in the place of God's love in my life.  I wanted so badly to be in a relationship.

I cried out to God and He helped me draw a line because he is a God who wants healthy relationships for His children.

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." ~Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)

In the end we couldn't hold it together.

As I picked up the pieces of my broken heart I spent a lot of time asking God what had gone wrong.  Was it me?  Was I too needy?  Was I not pretty, or smart, or funny enough?  Had I said or done something wrong?

Where was the lesson and the good that I could get from this experience?  For God promises:

…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  ~Romans 8:28 (NIV)

Then God showed me a glimpse of myself in a relationship.  Not the relationship with this man I had dated, but with God Himself.

I didn't share and confide in Him and listen for His response.
I didn't spend much time with Him.
I didn't trust Him.
When it all came down to it I was not loving Him.

God showed me His response to my imperfections which got in the way of our relationship:

…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

God's love for me was so big that he would never walk away.  That unconditional love I desired had been there for me to dip into all along, for God doesn't just have love for me, he IS love. 

There is a scripture often read at weddings, but I like to read it replacing the word "love" with "God":

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

As I have accepted this love, God has been challenging me to explore it and experience it.  To take it out of my head and place it in my heart.  I have been meditating on Ephesians 3:16-19 in a few different translations of the bible (New International Version, Amplified Version, New King James Version, The Message, and the New Living Translation).  This is what stood out to me most from each translation mixed all together:

God's love strengthens you with glorious inner strength as the Holy Spirit is invited to live in you and your personality.  Through faith Christ abides in you.  You can grow strong roots down into God's love.  And when you are founded securely on this love you can grasp, as all of God's chosen people should, the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love.  Reach out and experience the width!  Test the length!  Plumb the depths!  Rise to the heights!  So that you will know experientially Christ's love, though it is too great to fully understand.  And in that knowing you will be made complete, wholly filled and flooded with God Himself.  Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV, AMP, NKJV, MSG, NLT)

The more I understand with my heart, the more I can use his love to love others.  As Paul writes about in his letter to the Ephesians:

Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ~Ephesians 5:1-2 (NIV)

I love differently now.  In my relationships God shows me how he would love each person if I take the time to ask him.  And let me tell you, I can love so much bigger than I could before.  It's incredible!

So I challenge you:

If you have experienced God's love--don't stop testing it's dimensions, you will find there is no limit!
If you know God's love in your head, but not your heart--seek that experience!
If you have not yet experienced this kind of love find a group, grab a bible, or rest in a quiet spot of beauty and ask God to reveal it to you.

Vegetable Soup

Today I smell like vegetable soup.

Our outreach team spent the morning and part of the afternoon serving at the Okanagan Gleaners helping to produce bags of dehydrated vegetable soup.  This organization takes vegetables that would have normally been wasted, chops them, dehydrates them and creates soup mixes.  They produce approximately 6 million servings annually which are then distributed around the globe through reputable, well-established relief organizations. From Greenland to Colombia, Ghana to Siberia the God-given abundance of food in the Okanagan Valley is being spread throughout the world.  Even more wonderful, this amazing organization is run on donations and volunteer power.

We worked with "the Gleaners" as they are affectionately called in Oliver, earlier this fall for a morning chopping beets.  If you've ever grown vegetables in your own garden, you may already know that most produce does not actually look like the food we buy in our grocery stores.  A lot of what you grow in your garden is referred to as "seconds" and would never make it to a grocery store shelf.  I was astonished to see huge crates of beets that looked perfectly good to me which, if not for the Gleaners, would not have been eaten by anyone.

Today our time was very different.  The beets we chopped (mixed with more beets chopped by other people) were now dehydrated along with brussels sprouts, tomatoes, peas, carrots, peppers, beans, broccoli, cauliflower, turnips, potatoes, and onions.  The renovated 1920's tobacco-drying barn was abuzz with a chain of workers packaging the soup mix to be sent overseas.

I was assigned three different tasks over the course of our day and so got to see three different perspectives on this flurry of activity.  At first I was given a seat behind a giant metal funnel, with a box of labelled plastic bags beside me.  My job was to hold the plastic bag under the funnel as someone poured the soup mix into the funnel and then pass the bag off to someone else.  The bag was then sealed, and packed into a big plastic bag in a large barrel.  Each barrel contained about 70 bags of soup mix, and today 86 barrels were filled!

The whole system worked like a well-oiled machine and was amazing to be a part of.  Once I got the hang of my different jobs I had time to reflect on this flurry of activity.  Each time someone in the chain slowed up, it slowed everybody up. Although each different job I did was not difficult, it would have slowed up the whole process if someone had to try and do my job at the same time as their own.  Each part was valuable and unique.

Paul talks about a metaphor for the body of Christ (the church) that is similar to this idea in his first letter to the Corinthian church:

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable...If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.  1 Corinthians 12:12, 14, 17-22a, 26b-27

Being a part of a team in YWAM is like this metaphor.  Each of us has different abilities, challenges, and gifts. As we learn to walk together and support each other we can produce great things for the Kingdom.

As I get ready for bed, the smell of vegetable soup remains in my laundry basket: a reminder of a great day's work and a lesson from God.


Thanks for your prayers!
Prayer Requests:

• Team unity.
• Health.
• Sensitivity to God's leading.
• That we would each grow in our role in the body and be able to support each other in this.

Praise Report

• In reading updates from the team serving in the Philippines I was wishing I could be there to do something as well--I found out that some of the soup mix we made today will be sent to the Philippines!
• An opportunity to serve a church we haven't worked with yet in the Oliver area.
• An amazing group of individuals to work alongside on our team and their unique role in this body.