First Week in Finland

As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered.  You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.  The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. ~James 5:11

Perseverance is a series of small victories in the battle with our doubts, pain, and fears within our minds. It requires courage that is bolstered by something which in my experience comes from outside myself.  In some cases a necessary crutch to my own injuries comes from other people.  Just as it is when you break a leg or twist your ankle, it is important to lean on others to help me move forward in a way I am unable to do alone.  In other cases, my necessary crutch has been a glimpse of a greater story outside the visible pieces of my life.  This can come from scripture, times of prayer and worship, teaching on the nature and character of God, and the sense of wonder I often experience at the intricacy of the natural world around us. In either case, when I have been able to persevere, I have experienced blessing that goes beyond the visible.  I grow closer to the best version of Julie which brings a peace to my soul, even when it doesn't make life easier in that moment. For that reason I am eternally grateful for the care and encouragement of friends and family ("Jesus with skin on" as one of our DTS teachers described them) and the perfect, unending and unescapable compassion of the Lord.

The fireplace in the dining room at the base.

As my first week of the Compassion of the Heart training has come to end I can see the evidence of perseverence in my life.  This past year has been a time of opening up my mind to understand what has been going on underneath my behaviours and attitudes, and also to see more clearly what I actually do and say are not always the same as what I imagine.  This revelation through words from friends and by letting myself express emotion was often unpleasant and entirely humbling.  The temptation to bottle everything up under a controlled lie of numbing "perfection" was strong, but the fruits of blessings I had already begun to experience in relationship with others and God was a crutch I could lean on to press on.

When I arrived in Finland last Friday, I had a gnawing sense of dread and an underlying feeling of anxiety.  Although I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was where I needed to be, not only to benefit future ministry, but for my own emotional and spritual health, I was scared.  As I sat on the flight from London to Helsinki, I could no longer "forget" that I was entering a new culture with a language I couldn't understand...I tried to hold back the anxiety I felt as the flight attendants asked questions that and made announcements that linked sounds together in a way that held no meaning to me.  However, I could clearly feel the compassion of God from the moment my plane landed.  An American YWAMer who has been living in Finland for the past 3 years not only met me at the airport with a heart-shaped sign with my name on it, but welcomed me to her home, fed me, explained some Finnish culture to me, and even walked me to my seat on the train to the YWAM base on Sunday.  As I stepped out of the car at YWAM Ruurikkala, I felt that peace of "home" that I have felt so many times: God's perfect love had driven out all fear (1 John 4:18).

The view of the lake from the base which is an old mansion that had been renovated to be a hotel before YWAM purchased it.

The week itself has required me to dig deep in that pool of perseverence yet again as I have met with counsellors and written assignments to begin unpacking hurts I have been holding onto for years, as I have needed to complete book reports and sit through 4 hours of teaching while navigating my jet lag, as I have missed my family, friends and the familiarity of simple things like showering, eating, and doing laundry.  But as I stood in front of the class of 20 students (mostly Finnish), and at least 10 instructors/counsellors (from Canada, India, and Finland) able to share a revelation about why I do what I do with shaking hands, wobbly voice, and teary eyes I caught a glimpse of that girl that God knows I can be...not perfect like a marble statue, but "perfect" like a scraped-knee, wide grinned, rosy cheeked child running to share a hand picked bouquet of wildflowers.

Thank you for your prayers, support, and words that have been a needed crutch to bring me to this place.  It is a beautiful time of dependence, growth, and openness.  On Tuesday we begin the two week practicum which will take us out of the classroom and into small groups of 5 students and 2 leaders.  Please continue to pray for rest and restoration, trust of those I will be working and living with, and that God's hand would continue to lift up the rest of the YWAM Global Gateway staff in Canada as they press into daily life and ministry in Oliver and other parts of the world.

Please feel free to email or send personal messages, although the days are busy, it's always good to hear from you and to know how to lift you up in prayer.

Blessings!

The classroom where we have had most of our teaching.

The dining room where I am sitting to write this post.